May 29, 2011

A Mother's Day note - I miss my Mom!!!

Hi Everyone!

Today is Mother's Day in France.. in the U.S., it was a few weeks ago.. and in Costa Rica (where my step mom lives) it's on a totally different date than the two mentioned... I'm wishing all of you Mom's near and far-- a BLESSED Mom's Day... and to all of you with mom's/grandmom's/daughter's who are mom's... etc... Please love and enjoy them because when your mom is gone, this day is a hard one...

I actually broke down today and cried like a baby when the shower handle fell on my back.. I was stunned first by the pain, but then as I stood there not moving, I started BAWLING... like a 5 year old who fell off their bike and wanted their mom to come and give them a little TLC... Well, my mom's not here- and I miss her. I can't even really describe how much, because although the physical pain of missing her is no longer present within me, there is a DEEP void- a very forceful one that pulls at my heart and soul. It's very hard still, though my mom has been gone for a little over 5 years now... She was a best friend to me, an inspiration... a sweet, gorgeous, energetic, funny woman with a kind and loving heart and soul. That's what hurts so much- that she is gone, that I miss her so much and WHY did she have to be taken from me and my family from this stupid piece of SH*T cancer that knows no boundaries or limits to snatching loved ones away from you! It's just not fair...
Anyhow.. I wanted to get this out a bit here on my blog, because it's coming out- no pouring out of my heart right now as I type... I don't always get very personal here on my blog- usually it's about my mom- when a special day comes up- but I really need to get this out... I am not asking anyone for their sympathy... just for your understanding and support that you know that I'm a human being like all of you, who has a lot of emotions built up inside and that it always helps for me to talk about it with others...
Thanks for listening and for being there... because the one who is closest to me just doesn't get it... : (....


10 comments:

Ksam said...

Hi Leese...just wanted to say I know where you're coming from. These kinds of days can be difficult. It's been 11 years since my dad passed and sometimes it still hits me so hard. Just yesterday I was watching a show on TV and they showed the father/daughter dance at a wedding and it made me break down, thinking about how my own dad won't be there at our wedding, and how he'll never meet C. Sometimes life just isn't fair...but that's the way it goes I guess. *hugs*

Andrea said...

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time today. Your post made me cry. :( I can't imagine how hard it must be for you without your mum. :(

I can't wait to see you tomorrow. We have so much to catching up to do. *hugs*

Andrea

Michelle said...

Well Happy Mother's Day! Sorry your having a hard time but I can really relate I found my mom deceased Feb. 2004. Hope things get better for you.

Leesa said...

Hi Sam,

Thanks for your note- It really means a lot to me.. I know that you can relate/understand. It's a very strange thing to do through the rest of our life without our parents- there aren't the right words for it.. Just that there is a huge void... Most of the time, I'm okay, but it's for certain dates- etc. that make me think more of my mom then usual.. .and also- when something out of the blue comes up, like what you mentioned! I'm sorry about your dad, too.. I know that even when time passes, there's no limit on time to how our grief is for our beloved parent..
I'm sorry that you won't have your dad by your side on your wedding day- but somehow, he will be there with you 'in spirit' and in your heart- not the same thing, I know... there's no way to really make up for the fact that he's not here... So, I am sorry for that..
It's the unfair part of life, for sure!

Leesa said...

Thanks so much for leaving your message, too.. Andrea! It's really hard sometimes, that's all I can say!
Thank you sooo much for your kind words and support... It's really really appreciated! THanks for understanding.. It's when I need friends the most!
Can't wait to see you today, too! We have a LOT of catching up to do!!!
Hugs!!!

Leesa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leesa said...

Hi MIchelle,

Thank you for your words of support.. It's a hard thing to remember (even when we think of the good times we had) because our beloved parent is no longer here with us.. I'm sorry for the loss of your mom, too.. Thanks for understanding...
Hugs, Leesa

Barbara said...

Hi Leesa,

I am sorry that I didn't see this yesterday.
Words will never express all the sadness that comes over me when I read your post.

I say that time is nothing. But, a drop in the universe. Loss is something that knows nothing of this, because when someone is missing in your life,that is all that you feel. May it be a day, a year or a decade or more.

Wishing you courage and love.

XO

Carolyn said...

Leesa, a big long-distance hug to you and your wonderful mother today.

Hope to see you in Paris later this summer!

Take care and cheers for now.

Leesa said...

Hi Barbara/Carolyn...

I know you both understand well what it means to lose a beloved parent.. Thanks so much for your love and support.. I know it's never easy, but things do get 'easier' to bear....

See you both soon, I hope!
Leese